If I have something important and challenging to say to someone close to me, I write a letter. I have done this for as long as I can remember. I am the kind of person that sits with things and percolates on them to figure out why I feel the way I do and how to communicate it in a way that comes across clear, to the point, and with compassion for the receiver.
You see, communication is very important to me. If I don't feel I have a clean slate with someone, I address it. I have spent too much of my precious life force dwelling in the past, so this lesson has come hard learned! As I sit down to finish my most recent letter to a family member that is long past due, I wanted to share some of what I discovered for myself, in case it may be of support to you during this holiday season, which can be a stressful time for many.
I am the youngest of three children and have often felt I was the "sunshine" in the family; the one smiling and bringing joy and laughter even if I didn't feel it inside. I often felt like this was my "job" even in the face of my father's alcoholism and my brother's diving accident where he was paralyzed when I was 9 years old (along with all the other crazy stuff that happened). As I think is the case for most of us, when intense stuff happens in our lives when we are young we tend to shut down emotionally because there is often not the space to express our feelings.
This was my reality too.
Now, at 38 years old, I'm realizing the next layer that needs to be shared with my family, things that never got expressed. It's all coming up right now. As I've gone through the stages of stepping into my deeper work in the world I've had to face a lot of fear; fear of rejection, fear of failure, fear of success, fear of abandonment and so forth. I've had to release, over and over, the fear of what people might think, and if I'll be judged, if I'll still be liked (which was a BIG one growing up as the "good girl"). All of this started in childhood.
My commitment has had to be bigger than the circumstances.
I have felt my whole life that I was here for big work. Perhaps it's the Leo in me, or the Old Soul part of me, but I have known that one of my biggest priorities has been to find and live my Soul Purpose. I realize this is not the case for many people. I feel many folks on the planet are happy just getting by, doing their job, having their families and experiencing an average life.
That was never going to cut it for me.
I've been on a quest since I left home at 18 to find and live this path. I feel that has become even more expressed in the past year as my husband and I have discovered Emergence Care (EC) and now prepare to open a practice together offering this powerful work to others. With EC, I feel I found “the thing” I've been looking for. That doesn't mean that all I've been doing for the past 20 years has not played a direct part in preparing me for this, because I know it has. But you know when you find the thing, or "the one" you've been looking for? It's like you found the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow? (Which I now realize was inside of me the whole time). :-)
As I've found this next level of expression of my Soul Purpose with EC, I have come to the next level of clearing and purging in my life to make space for this work. This has included writing some pretty emotional letters to my family about things gone unexpressed. This part of got shut down a long time ago because I didn't feel I would be accepted. Now it is time and I am ready.
As my husband John recently saw in a vision for me, it's time to "give death" to the relationship and the person that I was to make space for the new one. That may sound intense but oftentimes we have to become our own Warriors of Light, letting go of the things are not serving our highest good, standing in our Truth, being Self Expressed no matter what, and trusting that the Universe always provides- support, love, encouragement. If those that we are in relationship with (friends, lovers and the family we were born into) can't handle the "new us" then it's time to let them go (or, in this case, at least, release the old version of our relationship with them).
There are people out there that love and support you exactly as you are. That's your "Tribe" and they're waiting for you to join them. I have found mine and it feels like coming home. Life is too short to waste time with people who do not hold you in your highest possibility and love you unconditionally.
Know this and speak your truth.
It is time.
Care to join me in my purging extravaganza?
Share below what you are committing to this holiday season to welcome in the new next year.
It much more fun doing it together! ;-)
All my love,
© 2014 Marcela Ashburn McBride
Marcela is a Priestess Path mentor, co-owner of Body Mind Shift Urban Retreat, Sound Healer and Lover of Nature.